Going To That Bowl Would Be Worse Than Showering At Roady's

The Humanitarian Bowl is no more. Well, at least the name is no more. The game which is really only known for being played on the blue turf of Boise State will now be known as Roday's Humanitarian Bowl.

For those of you who aren't long-haul truckers, Roady's is the nation's largest chain of truck stops with over 350 locations in 45 states. As someone who's traveled via the Interstate stystem to a majority of the states, I can't remember ever seeing a Roady's. That might be because Roady's didn't exist until five months ago when Great Savings Network and TruckStops Direct merged. They are, at least, located in Idaho, so that makes the sponsorship only about a 98 on the annoyance level instead of a full 100.

Actually I'm probably being too hard on the bowl sponsorship. It's quite appropriate for this game. Because playing in Boise in late December in a meaningless bowl game, with the only goal being to avoid a losing season, is probably as harsh of a fate as being stuck at a Roady's in the middle of the night with no shower shoes.

Two-Minute Drill

* The fallout from Jim Harbaugh's comments throwing his alma mater under the bus are still creating a stir in A2 as evidenced by this story in the Ann Arbor News.

(HT: SiC)

* Athlon has Michigan at #8 in their pre-season look at the 2007 Wolverines.

(HT: DW)

* Teen whiz earns U-M degree in one year. In high school, she was a member of the varsity track, tennis and soccer teams. During Labor Day weekend, she hopes to cure cancer and solve world peace. Oh, and she's cute.

(HT: RC)

Finally...

* Tom Franck, a U-M alum and stand-up comic, is in an online comedy contest at Famecast.com and the voting ends in a couple days. So, to support a fellow Wolverine and MZone reader, click on the link here, check out his clip, sign up and vote.

Changing Their Green And White - Again

Our good friends from East Lansing will have more than a new head coach this fall. Apparently, Sparty is changing their uniforms for about the 467th time in the past 20 years.

The press release that accompanied the announcement said all the same things press releases say when teams alter their unis: they're made of better material, will have a better fit, blah, blah, blah. It also says the new duds incorporate the heritage of Spartan football, which probably means the collars are going to be nice and tight.

Unfortunately, the article linked above didn't have any pictures, and the ones at the official Sparty site are pretty small. So the MZone investigative team got to work to try to find a large enough picture for our readers and, with the help of Insomniac's Lounge (via Conquest Chronicles), we obtained the one below.

Gee, the new look sure seems to sum up MSU football pefectly - right down to the skirt and panties:



Ed. Note: It took everything in our power not to also make this an MSU-themed Caption Contest.

Bedbugs found inside OSU dorm

Last week, exterminators were called to an Ohio State dorm after bedbugs were found in several rooms. The university hired the critter killers to delouse 114 rooms on three different floors.

A student living in the affected dorm claimed a number of his friends were bitten, eloquently summing up the situation by saying, "They had red marks on there that are bumpy." He then added, "Eat now. Food good."

As a result of the infestation, students living on the infected floors were being asked to wash their clothes and linens in hot water. Not surprisingly, residents in 86 of the 114 rooms have opted to simply live with the bedbugs.


(HT: S2)

Pardon our dust

Still trying to get a few kinks worked out with the new layout. Back with our usual shenanigans tomorrow.

P.S. Can you folks see the block "M" watermarks on the white background as before? I can't but Benny claims it's there on his computer and in the coding.

Off for Memorial Day

Back tomorrow.

Benny & Yost

Actually, the t-shirt is probably worth more

The Onion, the online humor site by which all others are judged, had this dandy up earlier in the week:

Ohio State Uses T-Shirt Blaster To Pass Out Diplomas


In response, The Onion's staff has been flooded with emails from Tosu fans reading, "Tressel OWNS The Onion!," "What kind of food does Tressel eat? Onions, bitches!," and, of course, "Fuck The Onion!"

(HT: JF and SH)

An Inconvenient Truth About Michigan's Scheduling

For those that haven't heard, the Wolverines added the Toledo Rockets to the 2008 home schedule. Michigan will host Toledo on October 11, after having played two games of their Big Ten schedule.

Although Toledo has been a strong MAC team over the past few years, Bill Martin is generally being lambasted for adding another perceived patsy to a home slate that currently includes Miami of Ohio, Wisconsin, Illinois, Michigan State and Northwestern.

But I think we should all applaud Martin for his foresight, and for caring about the future of humankind.

He's clearly scheduling so as to minimize the effect of global climate change. Toledo is only about 45 miles away from Ann Arbor. There will be no need for the Rockets to charter a flight and the short bus ride up won't put too much strain on the environment. Certainly not as much as a flight from a team like Georgia, Missouri, or Stanford would.

So let's stop criticizing Bill Martin, when really he's doing us all - especially the kids - a huge favor. And when he ends up adding Eastern Michigan to the open date left in 2008's schedule, let's thank him by pooling some funds to buy the small carbon offsets required for the Eagles to travel down Washtenaw Avenue.

Welcome to the blogosphere!

We'd like to welcome two new sites to the wonderful world of tossing your life down a suckhole of procrastination blogging. A world in which your job may actually be put in jeopardy from this bullshit hot babes will throw themselves at you constantly because what hotties don't dig dudes who put up snarky comments each day?

First up is RamblingRaiders.blogspot.com, a new Texas Tech site. The guys behind the site said they were inspired by the MZone to start their blog. Thus, for ruining their lives, we sincerely apologize.

Next, check out new U-M hoops site mbasketblog.blogspot.com. Now, in this instance, we have no idea what inspired MZone reader Jack to start a blog devoted to the pain and suffering that is the Michigan basketball team. We can only assume Jack has talked to his doctor and is receiving the appropriate medical treatment at this time.

Best of luck with the new sites, gentlemen.

Uh, which is the humiliating side again?

A mother in Grand Rapids, Michigan is being applauded for the creative punishment she handed out to her 15 year old son.

According to the story linked above, "the woman's son was suspended from school for 10 days for some horseplay with a teacher. She wanted her son to have a more memorable punishment than being out of school, so she sent him out to pick up trash on a busy city street wearing an embarrassing sign on his back."

But after viewing a video clip and news pictures from the incident, we here at the MZone are confused. Because while it says the mother made him wear "an embarrassing sign on his back," this is the sign on his back...


And while that's bad, check out what he was wearing on his front...


Now do you see where our confusion arises? To us, that is the punishment. I mean, talk about embarrassing. In fact, it's downright cruel.

And if the Tosu shirt was the mother's idea as well, then I think this woman needs to be turned in to social services. Immediately. Because this is child abuse, folks. And it must be stopped.

(HT: Matt)

I guess it's a start

Yesterday, we put up a post about a new development in Tuscaloosa called Houndstooth Condominiums targeted at 'Bama fans. We were appalled that one of the "selling points" to potential buyers was a claim that the complex was close enough to the football stadium that one could spit on opposing coaches and "chunk" food items at opposing fans.

Well, as Nico at RollBamaRoll first told us in an email, the folks behind the project were getting a lot of complaints and said they would update the site, removing the remarks in question. Which they did.

Sort of.

Because while the "hilarious" stuff is gone from the initial "The Location" link on the site, it's still littered throughout on the banners across the top of other links. For example, click on "Floor Plans & Availability" and you're greeted with this rib tickler:


For cryin' out loud, if you're going to do hack material that's been in every inbox in America 15 times (just with the names of the schools changed depending who's sending it), at least tell the fucking joke correctly! The set up is "What do you get when you have..." not "What do you call..."

And clicking on "Homeowners Association" brings up this previously alluded to sales pitch:


Now, as others pointed out and we thought ourselves, we're not sure how you "chunk" a corndog. But if you can't get the 32 teeth thing right, why quibble here, I guess.

So, yes, the folks behind the site did take some of the stuff down. But the bigger question is, who would buy a home from people that use poorly told, stale juvenile jokes and fan misbehavior as selling points which actually casts the very fan base they're targeting in a negative light? Gonna be interesting to see if this hound hunts, so to speak, and the project actually gets off the ground.

MZone Caption Contest - Aggie Style

We know Texas A&M has a number of traditions. The 12th Man. The Yell Squad. The ball squeezing. And, as shown below, the Dog Walk.


As such, we think this warrants an MZone Caption Contest. Here's our stab at it:

Dammit. I think I stepped in dog shit.

Leave us your best in the comments section.

(HT: DW)

"It's so close, you can spit on Fulmer from here."

As any good real estate agent knows, the number one rule when purchasing property is "location, location, location." And for most people, that means things like views, or being near good schools or living in a safe neighborhood.

But not in Alabama when marketing to Crimson Tide fans.

Apparently, the way to entice University of Alabama fans to purchase property is to tease them with promises of being able to spit on an opposing coach or throw objects at another team's fans.

No, we're not kidding.

MZone reader Chris sent us this link to Houndstooth Condominiums, a development "built for Bama fans" whose main selling point according to the website seems to be that it's just .4 miles away from "your balcony to Bryant-Denny" stadium. As the home page for the $215 to $300K condos states:

"Imagine yourself living in a luxurious condominium, just steps away from the home of 12 National Championships! Your dream gameday in Tuscaloosa is now a reality... Don’t just be close to the game, be a part of the game!"

Ok, nothing wrong with that, right? Well, click on "The Location" link. Here's what it says:

"Feel like spitting on Fulmer? You’ll be close enough to do it. Want to chunk a corn dog at those annoying LSU fans? Do it from your balcony. That’s how close Houndstooth is to the action. Avoid the traffic and parking stress. Walk to the quad to capture those moments that make Tuscaloosa special."

Are you fucking kidding me?! Folks, I wouldn't have believed had I not seen it with my own eyes.

I guess the prospective real estate buyer is to assume that spitting on people and throwing shit at other fans are some of the "moments that make Tuscaloosa special?" Classy.

Of course some of the other "selling points" listed on the site are that it's a "Gated Community with Restricted Access to Owners and Guests," has "Full Perimeter Fencing" as well as "Cameras throughout Property Recording 24/7." Because while you want to be able to spit on people and throw shit at them, you don't want cretins like that to be able to do the same to you. That wouldn't be cool. No, sir. In Tuscaloosa, the moment is only special if we do the spittin' and a'throwin', not vice versa.


I think the assclown hawking these things should be ashamed of himself. And don't give me the, "it's a joke" bullshit. It's classless and tacky.

And the university - if officials know about it and allow the school name to be plastered across the site - should be embarrassed. To imply this is condoned or acceptable in any way is black eye to Alabama fans everywhere.


UPDATE: Bama blogs RollBamaRoll and MemphisTider give their take on the condo controversy.

UPDATE, PART II: For the developer's response to complaints about the remarks in question (and what they did and didn't change), click here to read our 5/24 post on the subject.

Michigan All Jersey Team: #37

Last week we began our countdown of the best Michigan football players for each jersey number. Well, it's not really a countdown since we're not going in any order. And Wayne State alum Casey Kasem hasn't returned our calls. But you get the idea.

Today's jersey number is....#37.


Personally I think of this as being more of an offensive number, but there have been two standout linebackers that have worn 37 for Michigan.

First was Erick Anderson, a four-year starter from 1988 through 1991. He led the team in tackles in 1988. And 1989. And 1990. And 1991. He's the first-ever Wolverine to lead the team in tackles four straight years. The Glenview, Illinois native was Michigan's first Butkus Award winner, and left school second in team history with 428 career tackles. In 1991, Anderson captained the defense, was an all American, and was the AP co-Big Ten defensive player of the year.

The year after Anderson left, Jarrett Irons took over jersey #37. And after a redshirt season in 1992, he pretty much picked up where Anderson left off. A native of The Woodlands, Texas, Irons displaced Anderson as the #2 all-time Wolverine tackler, trailing only Ron Simpkins. Though his best season was probably in 1995, Irons was named All-American in '96.

Now for some offense. Bob Perryman was a brusing fullback from Buzzard's Bay Massachusetts. Perryman, along with Gerald White, cleared holes for Jamie Morris as the Wolverines won the Big Ten title in 1986. He rushed for 543 yards in '86 and averaed 4.6 yards per carry during his four-year career.

The final #37 nominee is Jim Smith, who played wingback from 1974-76. Playing that position alone, should be good for some votes. But Smith was a game-breaker in an era when the forward pass was mostly just a rumor in Ann Arbor. His average per catch numbers of 28.3 yards (1975) and 27.5 yards (1976) are still the two best marks in Michigan football history, and his 23.1 yards per catch trails only John Kolesar's mark of 23.4. Smith, an All-American in 1976, also averaged more that 7 yards per rush, more than 10 yards per punt return, and over 17 yards per kickoff return.

Our vote: It's hard to distinguish between Anderson and Irons. But truth be told, they benefitted from the defensive system that forced the action toward the middle linebackers. Smith excelled at a time when Michigan would only throw the ball a handful of times a game. His game-breaking ability paved the way for future Michigan standouts Anthony Carter, Desmond Howard, and Braylon Edwards. So we vote for Smith.

What say you?

Who is the best Michigan player to wear #37?
	Erick Anderson
	Jarrett Irons
	Bob Perryman
	Jim Smith
pollcode.com free polls

How Did This Pass Mustard?

Loyal MZone reader LM sent us the following ad for John Morrell smoked sausages featuring 2002 Heisman Trophy winner and current Cincinnati Bengal quarterback Carson Palmer.


Now I know what everyone's saying: "Not that there's anything wrong with it." And I agree. But seriously, how does his agent or publicist - or Palmer himself - let this one get published? Even as a joke, this makes all those pictures of Brady Quinn look like Sean Connery, circa 1964.

A clever take on the Michigan blogosphere

Friend of the MZone and fellow blogger, Dave, at Maize n Brew put up a very funny and clever post yesterday in which matched the plethora of Michigan blogs to current Michigan players (and coaches).

So, where did the MZone end up on the blog-to-player roster? Well...

DT Terrence Taylor - Big. Nasty. Damn, damn good. The Anchor of the Michigan defensive line this season. Had Branch stuck around, The M Zone would be Branch, but he's gone, so Taylor it is. Vicious and funny. Capable of moving like lightning to pummel any unwitting commentator dumb enough to cross them, the guys at M Zone are the first line of defense when people cross the Michigan fan base. Like Taylor, who obviously has never missed a buffet in his life, they're not afraid to indulge in the simpler pleasures of life from time to time. Whether it's beer bong Friday or the Coed BCS, the M Zone will put on their bib and dive right into the irreverence buffet face first. Just keep in mind, no matter how nice and cuddly they seem at the buffet table, the second football season starts they'll trample their own grandmothers to get at your quarterback.

Be sure to check out the rest of Dave's post at the link above. Really good stuff.

The Mistakes By The Lakes

Around here, the hatred for all things Ohio is 100% due to Buckeye football. Not only because of the success tOSU has had against Michigan over the past few years but because of the treatment Yost and I have received during our visits to Columbus.

So it seems odd that with temperatures approaching 80 degrees, my hatred for Ohio, and specifically Cleveland, has surfaced in a cicadian manner.

But unlike the bugs that appear every 17 years, the rivalry between Detroit and Cleveland sports teams has pretty much never existed.

In the NBA, the Cavaliers and Pistons have never met in the league semi-finals until the series that started Monday night. In pro baseball, the Tigers and Indians - who are battling for first in the A.L. Central - haven't both been this good since, well, forever (actually 1950). And the Browns and Lions haven't met in an important game for both teams since the Lions were allegedly talented way back in 1954.

And you know what? After having gone just over six months since my hatred peaked on a disappointing evening in Columbus, I have to say it's kind of fun to hate Ohio again. Like a Christmas in July sale, I know it's not the real thing, but I'm not going to complain about it.

Stretchy Buckeye

Some time ago, MZone reader JR sent us a link to the MySpace profile of a Buckeye fan who calls herself "Jessi the Flexi." However, as much as we wanted to, we couldn't see the other pictures, etc. on the profile because we weren't signed up for MySpace.

Until now.

Because as you probably know, Benny and I finally got around to signing up for MySpace last week.

And we remembered JR's email. And we checked out the rest of Jessi's pictures. And we're glad we did.

So why would a couple of self-respecting Michigan bloggers be so interested in seeing more photos of a Buckeye fan? Well, I think to answer that question, it helps to understand why she calls herself "Jessi the Flexi"...


Uh...yeah. Have to admit, it's hard to hate a Buckeye with a pic like that.

And apparently we're not alone as J-Flex has over 4,400 "friends."

Even better, check out the photo montage below of her spelling out "O-H-I-O." Each letter. By herself.


While it's against our religion to say "Go Bucks" here at the MZone, we have no problem giving a very sincere "Go Jessi" after seeing these "flexible" indeed pictures.

How did we miss this?

Was procrastinating on YouTube and stumbled across the clip below of Nick Lachey doing a spot for ABC about Michigan's fight song, The Victors.

And I think I speak for all college football fans in saying who better to enlighten us about storied tradtions of the sport than Nick Lachey.

Quick Hockey Post

To all our MZone readers who also happen to be Red Wing hockey fans like yours truly, allow me to put up this brief post sharing my feelings on yesterday's 2-1 OT loss to the Ducks in game 5 (in which the Ducks tied the game with just :46 seconds to go in regulation).


Arrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

Sonofabitchfuckingshitpisscockmotherfuckingass fuckinghorseshitbullshitallshitballlickingassshitfuckpiss fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck al;fajkdkjlddfdsklfjldf;afdl;!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi, I'm Benny. Let's Be Friends.

OK, I have to admit it. I'm an old man. Remember, I played when they wore leather helmets. So I barely understand this whole system of tubes they call the Interwebs.

But my buddy, Yost, assures me that this MySpace thing is the real deal. In fact, he signed up himself the other day. Told me he's a babe magnet on there (and not to be misled by the fact that 98% of his cyber friends are guys).

So, I went and checked it out. And though I don't understand any of the words of the rock and/or the roll and the hip and/or the hop that's blaring through my computer when I go to people's pages, I do like making friends.

That's why I now have my very own MySpace page. So go on and visit and become one of my friends. I'll even be nice to the Buckeyes who come and visit. After all, we have to do something until the season starts.

Paris in Athens?

University of Georgia women's golf coach Todd McCorkle has resigned following complaints from players that he made inappropriate sexual comments and jokes.

But what really got him in hot water was that he reportedly screened the infamous Paris Hilton sex tape for the women.

Gee, interesting choice for a motivational clip, coach. Although, I must admit, for me, personally, I'd rather watch that than Lloyd Carr's choice of Cinderella Man. I'm just saying.

And just as Russell Crowe invited Carr to hang with him in Australia after hearing U-M's coach used his film to inspired his team, I wonder if Hilton invited McCorkle to...nevermind.

Now THIS is a Red Wings fan

I've watched the clip below probably five times now and I still laugh each time.

So here's the story: A Dearborn, Michigan cop apparently stole marijuana from suspects and then decided to make pot brownies with the wacky weed for himself and his wife. But, when they ate them, the pair thought they overdosed and were dying...so the cop called 911.

And what do the Red Wings have to do with all this? Just listen...

Worse Than A 72 Year Old Stripper

I don't care that these guys could kick my ass 15 ways to Sunday. I don't care that they're doing this for charity. And I don't care that some people might even consider this better than watching a 72 year old woman strip.

It's just wrong.

Below is a clip of THE Ohio State Buckeye wresling team and their winning performance at the first annual "Buckeyes Got Talent" student athlete talent show. Jim Tressel and AD Gene Smith were among the judges. Behold...



Sing it with me now, folks...

"It's fun to wrestle at...T-O-S-U. It's fun to wrestle at...T-O-S-U."

(HT: OBUTiger)

Brady Quinn & Bobby Carpenter Quit NFL, Join Village People

Yesterday, pictures of former ND QB Brady Quinn and ex-Buck Bobby Carpenter at the wedding of Quinn's sister to A.J. "The Package" Hawk spread around the Internet like wildfire after the company that took the pix put them up on their website. Naturally, we here at the MZone would be remiss not to share these, uh, family memories with you.




In a related story, Quinn and Carpenter have been asked to join the Ohio State wrestling team.

Ed. Note: Yes, we know that's two Village People jokes in two posts. But sometimes these things just come in pairs.

(Thanks to all who sent us the tip. No, really, thank you!)

Michigan All-Jersey Team

Recently, the Sporting News named their all-time players by jersey number, as well as the current best athletes by number. After seeing this, Benny suggested we here at the MZone do something similar: The Michigan Wolverine All-Jersey Team detailing the best player to wear each number.

So here it is.

We'll throw out the top four or five picks for each number and give our opinion (based strictly on the U-M days, not post-college playing, if any). But we'll also put up a poll so you, the MZone reader, can vote to see how the lists compare.

Also, with 99 choices, we're not limiting this to the correct number of positions. Thus, we might end up with, say, six QBs in the end. It's just about the best player to wear each number.

Finally, we decided we're not going to go in order (jersey #1, then #2, etc.) as that might tilt the excitement factor a little too heavily toward the early rounds. Thus, I reach into magic hat and pull out...

#16.

Now, according to the Bentley Historical Library, some of the Michigan greats to wear #16 are:

* Mike Jolly - a DB and four-year letterman from 1976-1979 (who apparently shrunk from 6'4 to 6'3 following his freshman year. Yes, Bo was that tough back in the day). Jolly was All-Big 10 in '78-'79 and went on to play for the Green Bay Packers from '80-'83.
* John Navarre - the five-year QB from '99-'03 who, though oft-maligned by fans, holds numerous Michigan records.
* Steve Smith - a three-year starter at QB (whose height surprisingly remained unchanged). Smith led the Wolverines to a Rose Bowl his junior year and a final Top 10 ranking his senior year.
* Jay Riemersma - the QB-turned-TE from '92-'95 who went on to play in the pros for Buffalo Bills from 1996-2000.

Our vote: For us, this came down to Riemersma and Jolly. It was close but the #16 All-Jersey Honor goes to...

Mike Jolly. This is a pick for the true Michigan historians among us. But back in the days of Rick Leach, Bob Ufer and Harlan Huckleby, Jolly was a force to be reckoned with on some of the great Michigan "D's" of the 70s whose teams won 3 straight Big 10 titles and consecutive victories over the Buckeyes from '76-'78.

What say you?

Who is the best Michigan player to wear #16?
	Mike Jolly
	John Navarre
	Steve Smith
	Jay Riemersma
pollcode.com free polls

Interesting Tidbit: No Michigan player who wore #16 has ever been named an All-American.

Ed. Note: Any chance Adrian Arrington had of making the list has gone out the window following all his recent off-the-field problems.

On second thought, maybe you DON'T want your team to win

First, the good news: A female sex siren has said she will strip if her team wins its last couple games.

Now, the bad news: It's Sophia Loren, the 72-year-old actress whose sex siren days were back in the 50s and 60s.

According to the story linked above, Loren is a big fan of the Naples, Italy club soccer team which has fallen on hard times since it won its first Italian championship 20 years ago. Currently, Napoli is third in Serie B, Italy's second division, and have five games left to force their way into the top two or face a promotion playoff. Said Loren, "I hope that Napoli win these last few games. You watch if we go up I will do a striptease. The fans have a total passion, the city deserves promotion."

Yes, but do they deserve it from someone born in 1934?

Look, I think it's wondeful and all that a woman of any age is a) that big of a sports fan, b) willing to strip to inspire her team (assuming this is indeed inspiration) and c) that secure to think people want to see it. But come on. I mean, Benny's Nana is in her 70s. I don't like watching her at the buffet on coupon night. I sure as shit don't want to see her naked.

So I'm going to go out on a limb and say, with that as motivation, my early prediction for those last 5 games is: Nipoli - 4, Other Teams - 82.

Ed. Note: I hope you people appreciate the lengths I go to to give you a laugh. After working on the picture in this post, I now want to gouge my eyes out. You think you almost tossed your cookies looking at the edited version, I had to had to spend time on the original. And let me just say -- you can't unring a bell, folks.

MZone Invades MySpace

Who says we're not hip here at the MZone?

In an effort to reach more potential online procrastinators and view some of the links our readers send us (as well as make myself more accessible to all the ladies who just can't get enough of blogging studs such as Benny and me), I, your humble correspondent, signed up for MySpace.com the other day.

Currently, however, I could be the biggest loser in the history of the site since I only have one friend and it's "Tom," the founder guy who everybody gets as their first friend when they sign up for an account. I'm sure that's just because the babes don't know where to find me...yet.

So check out the new center of hipness on the Interweb:

www.myspace.com/gotyost

Ok, off to meet hot ladies and do whatever the kids are doing these days on that there MySpace.

UPDATE: I already have some new friends! So suck it, "Tom." You're now just one of many. Question for you MySpace experts: How do I get my MySpace URL (myspace.com/gotyost) to show up on my profile page like everybody else's does?

Little Help

The other day I happened to look up and catch part of an ESPN commercial on TV for America's favorite show - The Herd with Colin "Schrutebag" Cowherd. In it, some guy gets parking ticket after parking today because our buddy Colin is so damn good on the radio, he simply couldn't get out of the car to put money in the meter lest he miss a single sentence of Colin's witty banter.

In any event, was looking online today for a clip of the commercial but, alas, failed. Anybody know where I can find it?

P.S. In searching for the video, I came across a number of blog posts about Cowherd talking smack about Keith Olbermann and Olbermann's response. Interesting.

(Pic via Sports by Brooks)

Don't fuck with porcupines

This is a prime example of something that has nothing to do with college football but I just had to pass along. Because when I saw the pictures below, I was both horrified and amazed.

Below is a reminder of what happens when a pit bull decides to pick a fight with a porcupine...

Allegedly, the dog was stuck with thousands of quills and its tongue was so covered, it couldn't close its mouth. After some lengthy vet visits, the dog apparently survived to fight another day (but probably not with porcupines).

Boy oh boy, there must be one bald-ass porcupine walking around somewhere with a hell of a story it's telling its porcupine buddies. "You got attacked by a gopher? Ha. Blow me. Listen to this. So I'm out minding my own business the other day when this fucking pit bull comes at me. What? Yes, I said pit bull. And this little punk ass bitch starts getting all up in my shit. So I..."

Ed. Note: Being frequent users of Photoshop to create something that isn't, I went searching on the Internet to check the veracity of this story before putting it up. And according to Snopes.com (an excellent source to use when replying to clueless coworkers who send you a chain emails about some absolutely incredible news story that, for some reason, is only circulating in chain emails), it's true.

If this were a parody, it couldn't be done better

MZone reader Brian sent us the YouTube link for the 1986 music video below about the Glasgow Diamonds American Football team in Scotland. Called 'Diamond Rap,' it was voted best football music video by CBS Television and screened during CBS's Superbowl broadcast in 1987.

Folks, words simply can't do this justice. You must see to believe...



Ok, now try and get the damn song out of your head the rest of the day. C'mon, sing it with me...

"We are the Diamonds. We come from Glasgow. We're here to play football."

P.S. If this video was voted best football video, how ass awful are the ones that didn't win?! Sweet Jesus!

(Ed. Note: Also noticed via YouTube that WithLeather did a post on this last week which is probably how it's been unleashed on a grateful public)

I'm Concerned About Facing Canberra

According to the Ann Arbor News, Lloyd Carr is in Australia watching rugby as the guest of actor Russell Crowe. Carr, who used Crowe's Cinderella Man as inspiration for the 2006 season, struck up a friendship with the actor during a 20 minute telephone conversation.

Carr traveled down under with Jeremy Van Alstyne and Brian Thompson who just completed their Michigan careers.

Carr and the players were planning on watching Crowe's rugby team, the South Sydney Rabbitohs play the Canberra Raiders. Carr, who's been watching the Rabbitohs all week, was amazed at the aggressiveness with which the players played since they have no pads on. Is it too much wishful thinking that Carr will remember that aggressiveness when facing some inferior teams this fall?

Beer Bong Friday

Fire + Beer Bongs =...

Jim Harbaugh Disses Michigan

Many of you wrote to tell us about new Standford coach Jim Harbaugh's slap at his alma mater, Michigan, during a recent interview:

“College football needs Stanford. We’re looking not for student athletes but scholar-athletes. No other school can carry this banner. The Ivy League schools don’t have enough weight [because of their low athletic level]. Other schools which have good academic reputations have ways to get borderline athletes in and keep them in.”

“Michigan is a good school and I got a good education there,” he said, “but the athletic department has ways to get borderline guys in and, when they’re in, they steer them to courses in sports communications. They’re adulated when they’re playing, but when they get out, the people who adulated them won’t hire them.”

Gee, those are pretty holier-than-thou comments for a drunk driver.

Look, it's no secret that most college football players at most big-time college football programs aren't majoring in electrical engineering or pre-med. That's about as big a revelation as finding out Charlie Weis has high cholesterol. Yes, some of it is the players but a lot of it also has to do with the fact that playing ball is like having a full-time job on top of one's classwork. Is that the way it should be? No. But it is. So double majoring in physics and chem probably won't work for most student-athletes. Thus, I don't understand Harbaugh's point in bashing his school like that.

Furthermore, Jim neglects to mention all the guys at Michigan - and many other big time schools - who somehow managed to juggle spending 40 hours a week playing football but still go on to become successful doctors, lawyers, business leaders, etc., etc., etc. Is that most college football players? Of course not. Then again, that's not most college students period.

Finally, while Jim Harbaugh was before my time at Michigan, in talking to some acquaintances who were there during his U-M days, I'm told he was pretty "adulated" himself around the A2 campus back then. And, allegedly, he enjoyed that adulation very much. So cut the sanctimonious crap.

Oh, and Jimbo, kiss any chance of coaching at Michigan good-bye. Enjoy Palo Alto.

Sorry, but this story just rubbed me the wrong way.

What are your thoughts, folks?

P.S. And anybody happen to know what Jimmy's major was at Michigan? I'm guessing it was quantum physics but I'd love to know for sure.

Queer Eye for the Buckeye

According to Autumn Thunder, in the wake of their blowout loss to Florida, apparently the OSU offensive and defensive aren't the only things getting a makeover in Columbus during the offseason...

Bevo Bandit

Man, in Texas, even their bank robbers are cute.

According to police, the smiling Longhorn fan in the picture below robbed a Wachovia Bank branch in Austin on Monday. Police have not determined if the Bevo Bandit is a UT student.



And since we coined the "Buckstache" term for OSU fans who run afoul of the law, in all fairness, I guess we need to come up with a good name for attractive Texas criminals now, too. Any suggestions?

(HT: Tom)

They're selling what?!

In the "Oops" category, we pass along this head shaker from Bruins Nation...

In June, UCLA is having its "True Blue Celebration," the athletic department's largest fundraising event at which they have over 500 silent auction items up for grabs. Many of those items are Bruins-related memorabilia. Well, except for one glaring item:

An autographed Matt Leinart Arizona Cardinals jersey.

Needless to say, the folks at Bruins Nation were more than a little aghast to learn that the jersey of the former star QB of their hated crosstown rival was being used to raise money for the Bruin athletic department. This would be akin to Michigan raising money for the its athletic department by hawking a Troy Smith jersey. Not good.

So the folks at BN urged their readers to call/email/burn in effigy the folks behind this college football faux pas. And it worked. The offending item has been removed.

According to sources close to the situation, the next offending item Bruins Nation is attempting to have removed from the UCLA campus is head coach Karl Dorrell.

More shocking photos out of South Bend

Last week, the sports blogosphere was abuzz after some, shall we say, interesting photos of former Notre Dame QB Brady Quinn began circulating on the Internet...


Well, yesterday the story took another bizarre twist when the MZone obtained this exclusive photo from South Bend...


What the hell is going on in South Bend?

Ed. Note: Yes, Benny and I are fully aware of the possibility that we may burn in hell for this joke.

College Dishwasher

Folks, doesn't this just say it all?



Ah, memories. Although, I don't ever recall us washing them. Hell, we were lucky if we washed our real glasses.

(HT: Break.com)

I don't even want to know

Uh...ummm....uh....yeah.

Let me start off by saying Brady Quinn apparently has much bigger issues than simply falling in last weekend's NFL Draft as evidenced by these pictures of the former Irish QB and some, uh, "friends" (from Deadspin via Kissing Suzy Kolber and WeAreSC).

To quote KSK, "Uh, what the fuck?!"

At least no ridiculous pictures of future 4-time Heisman winning ND QB Jimmy Clausen will ever zip around the Internet like the Quinn pix above.

Uh...never mind.

Beer Bong Friday: Double Feature

In honor of GRINDHOUSE, we bring you a Beer Bong Double Feature as an homage to the Beer Bong exploitation posts of the '70s.

First up is what happens when the math club hits the town for a wild night of partying.



Next up: Sarah -- She's down and dirty

Worst Sportscast Ever

Ok, you've probably all seen the infamous "Boom Goes the Dynamite" sportscast by some college kid on the air at the campus station for the first time...



Well, screwing around online tonight, I stumbled across the clip below of a sportscaster named Matt Lorch and, well, it's right up there. Apparently, it's a couple years old but it's only recently made its way to the Internet. Everything that could go wrong did.



So, which one is worse? Vote below or leave your thoughts in the comments section.

Which sportscast is worse?
	Boom Goes the Dynamite
	Matt Lorch
pollcode.com free polls

Down The Stretch They Come

Despite concentrating on college football, we here at the MZone have touched on just about every other sport. Hell, we even spent about a week talking about soccer last summer.

So with the Kentucky Derby coming up this weekend, we thought we'd give the MZone perspective. We can't focus on our specialty, though, since there are no cheerleaders in horse racing. And we're not going to talk about the jockeys since we know nothing about them.

So what do we have left? How about the names of the horses. There are 20 entires in the field at Churchill Downs. But for college football fans, one name stands out.

That would be the horse out of the #18 spot, Any Given Saturday. Now as Michigan fans, the name of that horse sounds like an excuse when our Wolverines stumble against someone like Illinois or Michigan State. But the name is just too apropos for our favorite sport. And since the odds are 12-1, they're long enough to make for a nice payday while not being so long as to be impossible.

Of course if I was choosing strictly by names, I might have to go with the #5 horse, a 50-1 shot named Imawildandcrazyguy.

Please Accept Our Apologies

In an effort to say we're sorry for another day of light blogging due to a crushing workload imposed upon us by "The Man," we offer the AP picture below as a small (or maybe not so small) token of appreciation for your understanding.



And what does this have to do with college football? Uh...who gives a shit!

Champaign Under The Stars

Michigan has announced the starting times of two of its games for the 2007 season. The homecoming game against Purdue on October 13 will be at noon EDT. Meanwhile, the road game against Illinois the following week, on October 20 will be under the lights, starting at 8:00 EDT.

I'm sure a lot of Michigan fans will worry about the thought of the Wolverines playing in front of a crowd craving an upset that has had all day to imbibe, leading to a bigger than normal home field advantage.

But I'll take comfort in Michigan's strong performance in night games. Michigan has a 21-10 record in their history in night games. However, that includes a 2-6 record in bowl games that started after 6 p.m. local time. So that means the Wolverines are 19-4 in regular season night games, an .826 winning percentage. That's even more impressive when you consider these were all road games. And who knew that Lloyd Carr is 10-1 in regular season night games, with the only loss coming in Madison in 2005.

Michigan could play more games at night in 2007; the starting times for the Northwestern, Michigan State, and Wisconsin games have yet to be announced. Of course there will be no home night games in Ann Arbor again this year. But considering Michigan's stellar record under the stars, maybe there should be.

What do you mean I have to actually work at work?

Light blogging today, and possibly over the next several days, as real life beckons.

MZone Caption Contest: Mangino vs. Weis

We couldn't resist, folks. And thus, another MZone Caption Contest was born. Here's what we came up with:

In addition to banning text messaging, the NCAA has vowed to next crack down on baby eating after this picture was leaked to the Associated Press.

Leave us your best in the comments seciton.

Your Life vs. College Life

YOUR LIFE:

After working for your current employer all six years since graduating, busting your hump for shit wages and even worse benefits, your job now hangs in the balance because Nan from payroll overheard you tell an off-color story - during your fucking lunch hour! - to your pal Doug. She reported you to human resources claiming "sexual harrassment" and a meeting is set for Thursday.

To cheer you up, Doug - who didn't even get mentioned by Nan - takes you out for a beer after work. Unfortunately, some fat chick named Stacy spills that beer all over you when she practically knocks you off your stool excitedly explaining what happened on last night's AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL episode to her friend.

Now totally depressed, you go home and masterbate to the Victoria's Secret catolog that keeps showing up in your mailbox addressed to some girl named Katherine Kalinksi who apparently used to live in your apparment. You think about spanking it again but fall asleep on yourself wondering what Katherine Kalinski looks like.

COLLEGE LIFE:

The cute girl from across the hall knocks and asks if you have a beer bong she can borrow. It's apparent she's already drunk and so are you, even though it's only 9:30. On a Tuesday. During finals week.

You tell her of course you have a beer bong she can borrow but, feeling bold, you "joke" that body bongs are so much better. She giggles in that 20-year old giggle you'll never hear again once you graduate.

Next thing you know, you're slurping cold beer off her warm back, right off that spot that would have a really stupid tattoo if she had dropped out of community college or worked as a stripper. She drunkenly "jokes" that she feels like she's shooting a porno. You drunkenly "joke" that you have some if she wants to watch some. She says no thanks...she has her own porn collection, thank you very much. And then she giggles again.

You have sex with her later that night. Three times.


(Picture HT: DW via OpenFanSite)