It's a bird! It's a plane! It's...are you f*cking kidding me?!

Ok, you know we here at the M Zone love Oregon and Duck fans. If you doubt it, check out our post of the classiest college football fans. We're on your side. However...

What in god's name is this?!

please, please, PLEASE tell us this is a Photoshopped joke pulled off by some bored Oregon State Beaver students. This...person...doesn't roam your sidelines, does he? Say it isn't so. This looks like a rejected villain from that bad BATMAN sequel, the really shitty one starring George Clooney.

Good general rule of thumb: Mascots don't have codpieces.

M Zone Monday

Welcome back to the hell that is your work or school week. Hope you are refreshed...or got so drunk over the weekend you just don't give a shit (sort of like Wangs). In any event, on tap today, scroll down to find:

* More naked antics at ASU (so what else is new?)
* The "wife beater" t-shirt makes news in Massachusetts
* The M Zone BCS brackets are released
* And in case you missed it, check out the Weekend Special story. You won't be disappointed

Just When You Thought It Couldn't Get Any Crazier at ASU...

Arizona State school administrators should stop kidding themselves and just make it official: ASU really stands for Arizona Sexual University.

One more time, let's recap: First there was Courtney Simpson (nee Cox), the ASU cheerleader-turned-porn star (and the M Zone BCS #1 seed). Next came the ASU student doing his best Pee Wee Herman impression by getting arrested at the library for spanking it to Internet porn because, as he said, "the connection at (his) dorm wasn't good enough."

Now, the latest at Sex U: a naked woman was seen riding a bicycle around the Memorial Union last week wearing nothing but a Sun Devils baseball cap and a pair of sneakers.

We have one thing to say to ASU students about this latest incident: SEND PICTURES!

ED. NOTE: In the "Too Funny to Make Up" department, when I spell checked this story before posting it, Blogger flags "ASU" as a typo. And the honest-to-God replacement suggestion it gives: "ASS." Hell, even Blogger knows what's going on in Tempe.

Folks, sometimes the comedy just writes itself. Although I'm beginning to wonder if the folks at Google have actually invented a computer behind the Blogger service that rivals the power of the Cray supercomputer and IBM's Deep Blue times ten. Or maybe they've even built a machine that can think for itself. Is Blogger just an ingenious way for Google to test its scientific breakthrough in artificial intelligence? I'm starting to believe it might be because - I kid you not - Blogger also flags "Buckeyes" as a typo. And the suggested "correct" spelling of this word that it does not recognize as part of the English language: Backwash.

Yes, AI is upon us, folks.

"Wife Beater" T-Shirts in the News

(from M Zone wire reports) Hingham, MA -- After receiving complaints from women's groups, a Massachusetts store apologized for advertising so-called "wife beater" t-shirts.

According to stereotype, the tank top style t-shirts are worn by abusive men. So, in order to not offend the women's groups but still have truth in adverstising, the shirts will now be sold as "Buckeye fan" tees.

Said the store owner, "Wife beater, Buckeye fan...you say tomato, I say ta-mato."

In a related story, no word yet if "naked chick mud flaps," frequently spotted on pick-up trucks and Camaros around Columbus, will be renamed as well to reflect their popularity among the Tosu faithful.

Blog Co-ed Showdown Bracket

As we ready the scouting report on our next M Zone BCS match-up between #3 seed FSU cowgirl Jenn Sterger and #14 seed Laura Quinn, we wanted to release the bracket to the M Zone faithful so they can see what's on tap. Right now, if things go according to the selection committee seedings, the semi-final showdown between Jenn and the Ohio State Video Chick could be a clash on par with famous Duke/Kentucky basketball game. We're thinking M Zone Instant Classic.

Also, as you can see, the selection committee still has some slots to fill. Thus, if you feel you or someone you know should make it to the Not-So-Big Dance, email and/or send us a picture. All entrants must have some current college connection.

M ZONE WEEKEND SPECIAL: What Sports is All About

UPDATE: This link no longer works and was taken down here because CBS News made YouTube remove it so they could have it on their website complete with Wal-Mart ads in order to make money off this autistic kid. More on this when I get a chance to write something up.

We here at the M Zone don't normally post on weekends outside the college football season. But this story was something we had to share. It shows why sports can be so uplifting.

If you haven't heard already about Jason McElwain, you should. He's an autistic Greece, N.Y. high school student who served as the basketball team's manager but was allowed to suit up for the final game last week, then got into the game and then...

Why ruin it with words? Watch the video. You won't be disappointed. Hell, Wangs is still bawling like a baby.

Friday in the M Zone

Couple of goodies to tide you over for the weekend. Scroll down today to find:

* The first in a new series - The M Zone History Lesson
* Latest M Zone BCS results. No surprise here.
* Auburn sorority forced into hiding over Bear cartoons
* Heismanpundit.com says some nice things about the M Zone
* New M blog up and running

P.S. And don't forget to show us the funny for the latest M Zone Caption Contest below

M Zone History Lesson

This is the first in an occasional series where we here at the M Zone attempt to pass on the gift of knowledge (along with the usual pictures of cheerleaders doing porn) to you, the loyal M Zone reader.

Today's topic: College Football and Politics

Mid-term question: What is the difference between Woody Hayes and Richard Nixon?

Answer: One was an ill-tempered raving lunatic who was forced from his job in disgrace. The other was the President of the United States.

Thank you for your time, class. This has been an M Zone History Lesson.

EXTRA CREDIT: To the Buckeyes in the back of the class saying, "You're only ripping on Woody because he ripped Michigan on the field!" while reading the latest issue of their MODERN TATTOO subscription -- Remember, while overall that may be true since Woody started coaching during the Ulysses S. Grant administration, against Bo, he had a losing record: 4-5-1.

Blog Co-ed Showdown Results: OSU girl rolls

In a result as predictable as a Michigan 4th quarter collapse last season, the hot Ohio State video girl crushed the ex-ETSU cheerleader/Hooters waitress in the latest M Zone Blog Co-ed Showdown (BCS). The final margin of victory was roughly 83% to 17% with the 83% still unable to get that song out their heads.

We have our next BCS match-up lurking on the horizon with a contest that we hope will be closer: FSU Cowgirl Jenn Sterger and Brady Quinn's sister, Laura.


But in our 16 person field, I think we all are hoping for a clash of #1 vs. #2 at the end of the season: The ASU cheerleader-turned-porn star vs. the hot Ohio State video chick. That's why the M Zone BCS was created, to hopefully pit #1 vs. #2 against each other on the field (and in our imaginations).

Note: Benny has finished the draw sheet which we will post next week. Right now, we only have 6 competitors. We are accepting reader submissions if you have an idea for us so that this BCS competition may coincide with March Madness.

UPDATE: Today is not the actual vote for the BCS clash between Jenn and BQ's sis. Like ESPN trying to pump up a Thursday night battle between Louisville and Louisiana-Monroe, we're just whetting your appetite here.

And to all of you already counting out plucky little Laura Quinn, have you forgot that this is the same girl, who only two short months ago captivated a nation (and ABC's sideling coverage) during the Fiesta Bowl? How quickly you forget. Plus, wait for the official M Zone scouting report.

Auburn Sorority Sisters Forced to Assume New Identities After Laughing at Bear Cartoons

(from M Zone wire reports) Montgomery, AL -- Fallout over the publication of the "Bear" Bryant cartoons continues to mount as Zeta Tau Alpha sorority sisters at Auburn University - Montgomery were forced into hiding after 'Bama fans learned they laughed at the infamous drawings.

As this photo clearly shows and the M Zone has confirmed, the entire AU-M Zeta Tau Alpha chapter has assumed new identities and entered the Witness Protection Program as of Thursday night. According to unnamed sources, the trouble started when Heather Anderson of Mobile, a sophomore pledge, said, "Um, like, those were pretty funny" after seeing the pictures on Michiganzone.net. Upon hearing of her "insensitive" remark, Brett Johnson, the Sigma Chi President at the University of Alabama put a $4.95 bounty on Ms. Anderson as well as "any of those other ZTA chicks."

When word of the threat reached their house, the ZTA sisters immediately went into hiding, even though they might have to miss Spring Formal '06 at the Montgomery Holiday Inn. Senior Lisa Kenowski, who already had a date lined up and her dress picked out, called it, "A devastating blow."

AU-M officials declined comment.

And the HP Blog Award goes to...

Recently, the good folks over at Heismanpundit.com handed out their HP Blog Awards and yours truly won the following...

Most Objective, Hate-Free, Easy-Going, Yet Partisan Blog - Michigan Zone - These guys skewered the Onepeat.com crowd because, well, it was the right thing to do. Not above making fun of Michigan, either. No haters here.

While we're pretty sure Buckeye fans might disagree, we appreciate it. Thanks!

New M Blog in Cyberspace

An M Zone welcome to Michigan Sports Center, now serving your maize and blue needs in cyberspace. The site was started by M Zone reader, Sean.

Uh, one question: Who designed your site? It looks a tad...familiar.

Thursday TOC

Scroll down today to find:

* Olympic games Bryant Gumbel would watch
* Another M Zone caption contest. Send us your funny.
* A look at the greatest college prank since ANIMAL HOUSE
* Michigan's coaching changes might hurt special teams. Benny explains why.

Olympic Games Bryant Gumbel Would Watch...

In case you missed the controversy, here's the story.

Bald Buckeye Caption Contest

As promised, welcome to another edition of the M Zone Caption Contest. Let's hear what you can come up with for this dandy...


Send us your best. We'll put up our favorites later.

MSU, You've Been Punk'd!

Last week, three U-M students pulled off one of the greatest collegiate practical jokes since the Deltas stole Niedermeyer's horse.

Saturday, during the M/MSU game in East Lansing, the Michigan students posed as Big 10 interns, snuck into the Breslin Center and handed out cards to members of the "Izzone." The unsuspecting Spartan students thought the cards were going to spell out "Go State" but instead they spelled out "Go Blue." Sort of. We say sort of because the students didn't hold up the cards as long as needed and the actual placards were small (and thus hard to read) as the Michigan students pulling off the prank could only afford 10x14 cards.


Allow me to speak for all of us here at the M Zone and say, "Bravo, gentlemen. Bravo!" You have done the school and collegiate pranksters proud.

For more on the story and additional photos, check out Deadspin.com and BigTenWonk.

Isn't that special?

Not everyone in the Michigan community was excited to see Mike DeBord be named as new Offensive Coordinator recently. Most were hoping for a national search, not another re-tread, though his offenses were pretty prolific during his first stint as the OC. A potential bigger concern is what might happen to the special teams. After what seemed like years of blowing at least one game on a blocked punt or a TD return, last year's special teams were stellar. Only Rivas' individual inconsistency kept it from being among the best in the nation. There were no blocked punts, and the net punting average was the best in years. All this despite using a walk-on National Honor Society student as a punter. He even had to share a number with the stud freshman RB. Also, his kickoffs, and the coverage, were great. Our return game was solid and when Breaston was healthy, outstanding. It often provided the best chance for the team to score in some games.

Mike DeBord was the special teams coach in 2005. By all accounts he did a great job, and the results support that theory. But what's going to happen in 2006 and beyond? According to the Ann Arbor News, there will be no special teams coach and the duties will be split among the entire coaching staff. Will the special teams go back in the crapper, costing us an otherwise winnable game? It happened in Oregon and Iowa in 2003 and Notre Dame in 2004. That's what led to DeBord taking over - along with his failure to win in Mt. Pleasant. So even if the offense improves next year, will our special teams suffer so much as to make that point almost moot?

Hump Day in the M Zone

While you were slacking off watching American Idol last night, we were slaving away to bring you today's tidbits of sports nirvana. Scroll down to find:

* Touchdown Mohammed
* Yost's list of the classiest college football fans
* An early, EARLY look ahead to recruiting 2007 via M Go Blog

P.S. If you did watch American Idol, damn is that twin from N.Y. hot!

Touchdown Mohammed

Classiest College Football Fans

Last month, I posted a story listing my picks for the worst college football fans in America. Today, whether you want them or not, I give you my picks for the best and classiest college football fans filling stadiums each fall.

Before you read, a few things about this list: First, it is not complete nor do I claim it to be. That's because only those schools where I have actually attended an away game as a Michigan fan were considered. Thus, while I hear Nebraska fans treat the opposing team and its fans with respect in Lincoln (as well as at the Alamo Bowl last December), since I've never been to a game with these fans, they were not in the mix for this list.

Second, I've tended to leave off fans of teams who, no offense, aren't that good. For example, I have been to games in Bloomington twice to watch Michigan play IU and their fans were fantastic. Didn't have one bad experience. However, in my opinion, it's hard to get worked up and be an a-hole fan when one's team is a 30+ or so 'dog and loses accordingly. So for this list, I felt something must be on the line, be it a rivalry, two ranked teams or a bowl match-up. Only then can you get a true gauge of the caliber of fan. And if the opposing stadium wasn't sold out, forget it. Right there, you had a strike against you which knocked you off the list (sorry again, IU).

In terms of how I made my picks about the best and classiest fans, I had a couple different criteria:

1) How fired up are they leading up to the game and how do they treat the opposing fans around town prior to Saturday?
2) Pre-game atmosphere and how do they treat opposing fans outside the stadium on gameday?
3) How do they treat the other team's fans inside the stadium and did they show the love to their own team during the game (i.e. were they LOUD!)

Also, I generally don't punish a school for the "drunk frat guy element." Meaning, every school has its drunk frat guy a-holes. But at the bad schools, the harassment and classless behavior extends well beyond this expected demographic. Conversely, at the schools with the classy fans, the supporters one might rightfully expected to be complete jerks aren't. Classy begets classy.

Now, without further adieu, here, in no particular order, are my picks for the top 3 classiest college football fans I've ever encountered.

IOWA HAWKEYE FANS

Not long after graduating from college, some friends and I decided to make the roadtrip to watch Michigan play Iowa in Iowa City. I had never been there before and always wanted to check out a game at Kinnick Stadium.

Arriving the night before, we all decided to hit the bars on campus. Sporting our Michigan gear, we ventured out and landed at one of the campus hot spots. First of all, any "taunts" directed our way were of the pro-Iowa "Go Hawks!" variety as opposed to the anti-Michigan type so popular in Columbus.

At the bar, my girlfriend and I along with our other three friends were all sitting around a table drinking when, spotting our Michigan clothing, a group of Hawkeye students approached. Now, having been to Columbus numerous times before this, I immediately tensed preparing to be verbally assaulted at best.

Instead, these Hawk fans asked if we were from Michigan and, saying we were, bought the next pitcher as we discussed the next afternoon's game. We talked for a half hour or so, finished the beer before they wished us luck and excused themselves. For that reason alone, they make my list.

At the game, Iowa fans filled their stadium with a sea of black and gold as they LOUDLY cheered their team on. Yet as passionate as they were, they never took it out in a negative way on the Michigan fans in attendance. From my experience, Hawkeye fans were class all the way.

OREGON DUCK FANS

During the 2003 season, my girlfriend and I flew to Oregon to watch the soon-to-be-exposed #3 ranked Wolverines take on the Oregon Ducks in Eugene. I had always wanted to go to Eugene because I heard the fans were as loud as they come, Eugene was the quintessential college town and, best of all, its where they filmed ANIMAL HOUSE.

The night before the game, my girlfriend and I decided to walk around downtown. There was a street festival in the city and the place was jumping. First of all, I've rarely seen so many Michigan fans at an away game, a number that I think even surprised Oregon folk. M supporters were everywhere.

Passing each other on the street, many a "Go Blue!" was shouted between the maize and blue faithful. Yet the reply from nearby Oregon fans was never anything but "Go Ducks!" And while nobody bought us a round in Eugene, Oregon fans couldn't have been nicer at each place we went.

In addition to the class of the fans in Eugene, what struck me the most was how unbelievable LOUD Autzen Stadium was considering its size. It "only" holds some 54,000 - roughly half the Big House - yet it is 3x as loud. And not just for a play or two but all game! These fans were incredible. Screaming and making noise at the top of their lungs from the opening kick-off. I have been to the 'Shoe, Penn State, MSU, ND, Iowa, etc., etc., etc. but these are the loudest fans I've ever encountered.

For those two factors, the Oregon Duck fans are some of the best and classiest I've had the privilege to watch a college game with.

TEXAS LONGHORN FANS

Following the 2004 season, Michigan was set to play in the Rose Bowl against the Texas Longhorns. For the game, a bunch of us rented an RV and tailgated outside the stadium. We ended up right next to a large group of Texas students who had made the roadtrip from UT. We ended up hanging with them and tossing the football around before the game as well as sharing a couple beers.

Walking to the Rose Bowl, the parking areas seemed to be evenly split between M and UT fans. There was good natured cheering for one another's team going on everywhere until we got close to the stadium when a group of Texas frat-looking guys yelled "Michigan sucks!" or something to that effect. But what surprised me were other UT folks walking near us who immediately jumped in to apologize. Quite a surprise if one has ever been to Columbus.

Then, after Michigan lost a heartbreaking game on the final play, instead of rubbing it in as we filed out, UT fans were very gracious in victory saying, "Good game" and things like that.

For these reasons - as well as having some of the cutest co-eds I've ever seen - the Texas Longhorn fans round out my list of the classiest college football fans I've ever encountered.

It's never too early to think about 2007

For some of the best analysis around about Michigan recruiting, Brian over at M Go Blog always does an excellent job. Yesterday, he took the first look ahead to next year, what Michigan's needs will be and who they are targeting. Good stuff.

Tuesday Table of Contents

Ah, after the long President's Day weekend, we're feeling well rested and ready to provide a plethora of procrastination options for your work or school day. Scroll down to find:

* The results of our Buckeye Love Caption Contest in an easy to email picture format
* Michigan decides to keep its winged helmet design instead of switching to something more appropriate
* Tosu players follow in Pete Rose's footsteps
* Michigan loses to ND again...over on EDSBS
* Barry Bonds decides to hang it up

And be sure to check back for a some ND-inspired humor, my list of the classiest college football fans as well as our next M Zone Caption Contest.

Thanks for reading!

Buckeye Love Caption Contest Winner

Folks,

You guys came up with some great ones. Really funny stuff. From our very own IC, our favorite is...


Our other finalists were:

From reader Wholesome Goodness
"Ok, baby, let's roleplay -- you be Michigan..."

From Benny
"You had me at 'Hello...Fuck Michigan!'"

Check back for another caption contest coming soon.

Wolverines Scrap New Helmet Design

Now that Jim Herrmann has departed as Michigan's defensive coordinator, school officials have decided to keep Michigan's famed winged design on its football helmets.

After blowing numerous 4th quarter leads over the last few years, the school had been contemplating changing the Wolverine helmets to the "daisy design" shown here to better reflect Michigan's "more gentle and sensitive" defense. But with Herrmann gone, they have opted to stay the course and stick with tradtion, hoping for a return to Michigan defenses of old.

In a related story, the athletic department has also put on hold plans to replace the Nike "swoosh" symbol on the team's jerseys. Sources tell the M Zone that the school was unable to decide on a symbol which would accurately reflect throwing 6 yard sideline patterns on 3rd and 10.

$ign, $ign, Everybody $ign

While perusing Deadspin, I came across a blog post of an article from the Cleveland Plain Dealer about how A. J. Hawk and other Buckeye players who won't be back next year are keeping busy (and making good money) on the autograph circuit in Ohio. This struck me as odd and extremely slimy. It's not shady - this is certainly legal and not against NCAA rules. And I don't have a problem with the players doing it. They haven't made money from football (though that's debatable at Tosu), and they don't have any college eligibility left to jeopardize.

I just find it creepy that adults would be so into it. I'm sure there are a lot of kids at these signings, too, but the adults are the ones paying the $25 which isn't a great lesson for kids (plus $15 EACH for "2002 National Champs," "2005 Lombardi Winner," "To Wayne"). This just gives me the same uncomfortable feeling I get when I read junior high kids getting recruited by college coaches - this isn't something that should be going on in our society. Maybe I'm just an old fart, and think the whole paying for an autograph thing is ridiculous. Hell, I think just getting autographs is silly, though I can understand why kids do it. But I get the feeling most of the guys shelling out $25 (or $40, or $55, or even $70) to A. J. Hawk aren't kids. And that's what gives me the slimy feeling. Well that and the fact that the guys who sell sports memorabilia are all a strange amalgam of "The Simpsons" Comic Book Store Guy and the salesmen at the ubiquitous mattress stores.

Incredibly, this practice has become commonplace at Tosu. As the article says, "For Ohio State senior football players, there are three distinct seasons each year. Regular season. Bowl season. Autograph season." Does this go on at other schools? The article implies that it doesn't. I haven't heard about newly finished Wolverines making the autograph rounds, but then a lot of people might not have wanted John Navarre's John Hancock. What about at other schools? Has Matt Leinart been sitting at a table with Pete Rose, pocketing $25 per signature? Or is he too busy chasing skirts? Is Vince Young wearing out Sharpies for $25 a crack, or is he still dodging USC (and Michigan) defenders? And here's the biggest question of all: What does A. J. Hawk need with a BLUE pen? I thought blue was sacrilege in Ohio.

UPDATE: According to the Wizard of Odds, this does go on at other schools, including Vince Young at Texas and Michael Robinson at PSU. Of course we shouldn't be surprised that Mr. Starched Shirt himself, Jim Tressel, participates as well.

Michigan loses to ND again

Michigan lost another early-season tussle to Notre Dame, this time over on EDSBS in their Coaches Death Match. Hopefully that means our actual game against them in September won't seem so "early" now and we'll actuall grab a big road victory for a change.

Bonds to retire, apparently baseball no longer fun now that he can't cheat

(from M Zone wire reports) Scottsdale, AZ - San Francisco Giants slugger Barry Bonds announced that the 2006 baseball season will be his last. Just 48 home runs shy of breaking Hank Aaron's all-time record, Bonds said that he will retire after the upcoming season whether he breaks the mark or not saying, "The game (isn't fun anymore)."

Apparently Bonds discovered the game was much harder, and thus less fun, when he had to start playing by the rules like everybody else. For years Bonds has been dogged by rumors of alleged steroid use. But, as these pictures show, such allegations couldn't possibly be true.

M Zone Closed for President's Day

Please check back tomorrow and this week to find:

* Winner of our Buckeye Love caption contest
* The first of a new series, The M Zone History Lesson
* Benny's problem with Michigan's new choice for offensive coordinator
* The next M Zone Blog Co-ed Showdown
* A look at Michigan's new "softer" helmet design in keeping with their soft defense
* A couple other things we just don't want to give away yet

Thanks for reading, so sorry you're at work. We're going back to enjoying our day off.

The M Zone Staff

Friday Friday Friday

Tis your last chance for some good old fashioned M Zone before the long President's Day weekend. Scroll down today to find:

* Fury Grows Over Bryant Cartoons
* The Next Match-Up in the M Zone BCS - Blog Co-ed Showdown

And thanks to all the 'Bama and Auburn fans (and so many others) for some really funny comments yesterday regarding our first cartoon post. Keep 'em coming. Good stuff. We enjoyed reading those hopefully as much as you enjoyed reading the Zone.

Thanks again for checking us out,

The M Zone staff

Fury Over Bryant Cartoons Spreads

(From M Zone wire reports) Tuscaloosa, AL -- Outrage over the Paul "Bear" Bryant cartoons continued to grow across Alabama one day after they were posted on the M Zone four years after they were first published by the M Zone's Danish affiliate, Den M Distrikt.

The M Zone offices in the capital of Montgomery were torched by a mob carrying 'Bama flags while chanting "Death! Death! M Zone, Death!" and "Roll Tide!" Elsewhere, windows were shattered at the M Zone affiliate in Birmingham and staffers at the blog's Mobile office had to be airlifted to safety. As a result, M Zone co-editor Benny Friedman is advising all M Zone employees to use extreme caution and non-essential personnel to leave Alabama unless they have a chance to score with a really hot southern girl.

"We haven't seen this type of outrage since Ohio State fans realized their mascot is nothing but a poisonous nut. But we must stand strong in the face of this behavior to prove that we are not afraid," said Friedman from a secret location.

While so far only Alabama fans are involved, some officials believe the unrest is being instigated by outside forces in Louisiana associated with radical elements of Onepeat.com, a group of LSU fanatics who still don't realize USC won a piece of the mythical national title in 2003 (hence the word mythical). Onepeat.com representatives were incensed by the accusation and said, if such rumors persisted, they would raise money to put up a billboard long after anybody gave a shit.

SHOW OF SOLIDARITY

In a courageous act, the likes of which hasn't been seen online since somebody had the guts to post the Paris Hilton sex video, the good people at EDSBS reprinted one of the offending cartoons as a sign of solidarity with the M Zone. By displaying the controversial drawings on its site, EDSBS was the only publication to stand up to the threats being made by Alabamans. CNN, ABC, NBC and CBS all refused to show the images siting, "sensitivity toward Crimson Tide fans." The Washington Times blamed the Clinton Administration for the problem, the NY Times blamed President Bush and Fox News did not report on the story as Bill O'Reilly was instead covering the blogosphere elite's War on President's Day.

MORE THREATS

At press time, M Zone officials are unsure how far the violence will spread as more threats are being issued on their blog hourly. The 'Bama Sigma Chi house clarified its original fatwa calling on the Ghost of Bear to strike down the infidel University of Michigan football team by making the Wolverines lose their first road game each September, lose to Ohio State on a regular basis in November, blow any and all 4th quarter leads and finally make sure none of their co-eds will ever be as hot as SEC girls."

When Sigma Chi was informed this fatwa must've already been answered by those beseeching the Ghost of Woody during the darkest hours of the John Cooper era, the brothers said they'd get back to us with a new fatwa when the keg came. Until then, they were going to sic the gentleman in the picture at the right on any and all M Zone staffers who fucked with "The Bahr."

M Zone BCS - Blog Co-ed Showdown

In the first match-up of our M Zone BCS (Blog Co-ed Showdown), ASU cheerleader-turned-porno-star Courtney Simpson used her whole can of whoop ass (as well as showing her ass) in a lopsided victory over "Stacy," the confused USC Song girl. Today's clash, on paper, appears to be just as one-sided as the M Zone presents the next round of its inaugural BCS - Blog Co-ed Showdown:

OSU Video Chick (watch here) vs. Kimberly, a Hooters waitress/former ETSU cheerleader

Scouting Report

School:

Kimberly - ETSU
OSU Video Chick - Tosu

Claim to Fame:

Kimberly - Kicked off ETSU cheerleading squad for working at Hooters
OSUVC - Made us reconsider our hatred of Tosu by squeezing her Hooters

School Cheer:

Kimberly - Give me an E! Give me a T! Give me a S! Give me a U! What's it spell? ETSU! What's that stand for? East...Tennessee...State...University! Gooooooo E-T-S...Zzzzzzzzz
OSUVC - Fuck Michigan!

Fashion Statement:

Kimberly - Ripped jeans
OSUVC - Removing her jeans

Favorite Saying:

Kimberly - Would you like to try our wings?
OSUVC - Would you like to feel my things?

Impressed Us When:

Kimberly - Stood up to say ETSU was wrong
OSUVC - Danced and showed us her thong

Disappointed Us When:

Kimberly - Capitalized on notoriety now cheering for semi-pro team
OSUVC - Never moved her hands the whole video! &^%@!

Thing You'll Never Forget About Her:

Kimberly - How backwards the ETSU cheerleading coach is
OSUVC - That song. That damn song! We can't get it out of our heads!

Major:

Kimberly - Hotel and Restaurant Management
OSUVC - Interpretive Dance

Vegas Line:

OSUVC opened giving 38 but after all the action was going her way, Vegas oddsmakers stopped taking any more bets on this match-up when OSUVC got to be favored by 1063.

So who's it gonna be? Leave your comments and/or VOTE HERE

Ten Least Likeable People in College Football

More good stuff from the guys at EDSBS (ok, maybe that's just because they put Tressel on the list).

Thursday

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the M Zone, scroll down to find:

* 'Bama Riots Over Bear Bryant Cartoons
* Female M Zone Reader Poll Results

'Bama Riots Over Bear Bryant Cartoons

(from M Zone wire reports) Tuscaloosa, AL -- Riots broke out across the University of Alabama campus and the state itself today following reports that the M Zone's Danish affiliate - Den M Distrikt - posted cartoons showing former University of Alabama football Coach Paul "Bear" Bryant wearing an Auburn hat and another showing him drawn into the infamously cheesey "Dogs Playing Poker" painting. The cartoons were first published way back after the 2000 season. But officials speculate they were not noticed at the time because Crimson Tide fans were too busy trying to figure out how the hell to get rid of Mike DuBose before he ruined their program.

In Alabama and other parts of the south, images or caricatures of "Bear" Bryant that depict the legendary coach as anything but a deity on par with God Almighty is considered blasphemous and highly offensive to Crimson Tide fans, akin to saying, "I don't get what the big deal is with NASCAR."



We here at the M Zone have struggled with the moral question of whether or not to reprint these explosive and offensive drawings. But as highly ethical journalists with no pictures to post today featuring semi-nude cheerleaders now acting in porno films, we looked deep inside our souls and said, "Fuck it. This shit is funny."

However, as a direct result of this decision supporting the First Amendment, freedom of the press and the right to procrastinate instead of working, the Sigma Chi house at the University of Alabama has issued a fatwas against us here at the M Zone. We do not take that lightly. Any time you piss off a substantial portion of the population in the deep south, it is a highly dangerous situation. Especially from those who don't read anything but the "red section" of USA TODAY and might not get the satiric nature of this post.

As such, please let it be noted for the record that Benny did the pictures you see here today and I, your humble correspondent, Yost, only wrote the text for this piece.

The M Zone Ladies Have Spoken

A few days ago, due to overwhelming demand, we put up a poll just for our female readers. The ladies who read the M Zone wanted their own opportunity to pick who was the hottest QB in the Drunk QB Challenge between Roethlisberger, Leinart, Manning and Orton. Being the dogs that we are, we added an additional question asking which of the ladies in the pictures they'd like to hook up with.

Well, the results are in and the ladies have spoken: According to the women, the hottest QB of the four is Leinart. And for those so inclined, the woman they'd hook up with is also Leinart's girl.

Congrats, Matt. On so many fronts.

P.S. For any of the women who particpated and voted that they'd like to hook up with one of these girls, what are you doing Saturday night?

Hump Day in the Zone

Today, a bevy of M Zone riches. Scroll down to find:

* If Tressel were on Oprah
* Benny picks up a U-M hottie for Valentine's Day
* A2: The Sports Injury Capitol of the World
* Lloyd fills out his coaching staff

Special Note to Tosu Fans Reading the Tressel Post Below:

In order to save you the time, allow us to post your comments here for you:

"F*ck Michigan!"
"1-4, Fags!"
"Scoreboard, bitches!"

Hope that helped.

If Tressel Were On Oprah...

One Night Stand in Ann Arbor

Benny scores on Valentine's Day (<--- this would be the little sub headline if we could actually do that with our Blogger program)

Love was definitely in the air last night as the M Zone's own resident babe-machine Benny "The Big Dog" Friedman hooked up in A2 with a Tri Delt hottie for Valentine's Day. After stopping by Rick's to toss a few back -- with girls circling around him like Buckeyes to a booster's wallet -- Benny zeroed in on one of U-M's hometown honeys. When the time was right, he made his move and they went back to her sorority where they made sweet magic for close to six and a half minutes.

Best of all for you, the loyal M Zone reader, being the dirty, dirty bird that he is, Benny was able to secretly snap a photo (or 40) of his passionate hook-up with this brunette bombshell(ter).

Check out one of the pics...

Hope you enjoyed that photo as much as Benny did. Although, now that you've seen it, we're all gonna have this image burned into our brains today. And unfortunately, you can't un-ring a bell, folks. Sorry 'bout that.

P.S. Maybe now you those of you from other schools can understand why we obsess just a little bit about hot co-eds from other schools here at the M Zone.

Girlie Men in Ann Arbor?

Many Michigan fans will agree that injuries played at least a part in having the worst football season in over 20 years in 2005. Injuries are certainly part of any sport, particularly football. This past year's squad was hit not only with a high frequency of injuries, but they seemed to linger and even when they returned to the lineup, the players never appeared to get back to 100%. This affected key players, particularly on offense. The games without Hart and Long, undoubtedly, contributed to some of the five losses.

Now the injury bug has hit the Wolverine basketball team. Currently three players are out, including two starters. Granted, one has mono, but Lester Abram has missed numerous games and his ankle injury has lingered longer than one of Wangs' farts.

What do these have to do with each other (the injuries, not Wangs' farts)? Well, maybe it's just bad luck that both Wolverine teams' seasons were sabotaged by injury. But maybe there's something more to it: conditioning. Every team has injuries, and some just won't allow the players back on the field of play. But maybe there's something in the Michigan Athletic Department's theories of conditioning that keeps some players out longer than at other schools. Maybe they're not in the best shape before their injuries, or maybe poor conditioning results in some of these injuries taking place. It was also evident that the Wolverine defense tired in a number of games, leading - along with passive play-calling - to the late blown leads.

There's been a fair amount of talk on the Web about the strength and conditioning program for the football team, and I don't claim to be any sort of expert. But I'm tired of injuries killing what would otherwise have been far more enjoyable seasons in Ann Arbor.

Michigan Hires New Coaches

As expected, Michigan promoted Ron English to defensive coordinator Tuesday while also hiring two new assistant coaches.

Ron Lee was hired to coach cornerbacks while Steve Szabo will hired as linebackers coach. Lee coached DBs at Wisconsin the last three seasons. Szabo previously coached DBs the last two seasons for the Buffalo Bills before he was fired last month.

V Day in the M Zone

Screw love, spend a romantic moment here at the Zone. Today you'll find:

* Pictures from the Dick Cheney and Bobby Knight Hunting Trip (Nothing to do with college football, but we couldn't resist. Besides, hunting is a sort of a sport. In the way poker is a sport.)
* M Zone Caption Contest
* Letter to Cheney

And be sure to check back with us tomorrow. We have the scoop on a controversial new book out of Columbus.

Dick Cheney & Bobby Knight Hunting Trip

Buckeye Love Caption Contest

We couldn't resist.

After a couple of you listed them as comments to our post of this picture below, we decided to hold the first ever M Zone Caption Contest for this picture of the Buckeye fan "romancing" his girl:

Here are a few we've come up with so far...

"Honey, where'd you say you dropped your-- HEY!"
"See, the QB slides up under center like this..."
"I wish I knew how to quit you, A.J. Hawk."

Have anything better? Let's hear 'em!

Letter to Cheney

TO: Dick Cheney
FROM: Bobby Knight

Dick,

Don't sweat it. Shit happens.

Love,

Bobby

M Zone Monday

Scroll down to find today's posts:

* Buckeye love. See how the Bucks woo their women
* A special post for our female readers
* Herrmann out as Carr Continues to Clean House
* More on Herrmann's departure from EDSBS and M Go Blog
* A change in the NCAA replay system

Valentine's Day in Columbus

You're an Ohio State student. You met a girl you just knew was "The One": On your first date at a Tosu football game, she wore her "Fuck Michigan" shirt (even though they were playing somebody else) and spit at the opposing band. Classy chick, just like mom.

On your second date, you stepped up big, used your coupons and took her to the Sizzler. Naturally, she was impressed.

As such, you just knew the third date would be the time you would... consummate your beautiful love with this incredible woman. But you wanted it to be romantic for her. Not someplace sleazy like the back of your car. Hell no. Not with this girl.

No, this was going to be special.

God, we love security cameras.

Battle of the Drunk QBs: Female Reader Edition

For months, we here at the M Zone assumed that our readers are mostly just knuckleheaded guys like us. But a comment under our recent "Battle of the Drunk QBs" post by a female reader made us stop to consider the M Zone demo is larger than we first thought. She wrote:

"Hey! How about adding a category for us girls: Which one of the 4 quarterbacks is the hottest?"

First of all, we respect and appreciate any women hanging out with us here in the M Zone. Any ladies who follow sports, especially college football, are all right in our book.

Obviously, we didn't realize you were out there reading on a regular basis. But continue to comment and send us emails and, like ESPN adding the WNBA scores to the bottom of the sports ticker, we'll put up more posts geared your way (plus Benny thinks if we do, he might get laid. Doubtful).

So this post is for the M Zone women (and any guys who want to vote as well...not that there's anything wrong with that). Per your request, the M Zone presents...

Battle of the Drunk QBs: Female Reader Edition

See, just ask and we listen, ladies (which only works because we're not married to you or dating you).

Ladies, the categories are:

1) Which QB is the hottest?

2) Which of the girls would you hook up with? (Sorry, couldn't resist. Besides, we're guessing over 90% of our readers are guys so, you know, throw us bone here. I mean, we did put up a post for you. Christ, listen to us. We even beg for it on the Internet.)

Leave us a comment and/or VOTE HERE

PS Guys, it would be really helpful to us all if you forwarded this to some female friends. Really, that's win-win for everybody.

Herrmann Out as Carr Continues to Make Changes

As has been expected for weeks (and hoped for by Michigan fans for much longer), Jim Herrmann is no longer the defensive coordinator at U-M. He is "leaving" Ann Arbor to take a job with the N.Y. Jets as their linebackers coach. Ron English, Michigan's former DB coach who almost took a job with the Chicago Bears, will become the man now in charge of the Maize and Blue defense.

While the move was necessary and I have been hoping for a defensive change myself, I must say I take no pleasure in things not working out for Herrmann at Michigan. He played for Bo, he's coached in A2 for over 20 years and he's a Michigan man to the core. Unfortunately, the results on the field the last few seasons did not measure up to the Michigan standards he himself helped set as a player.

Also, to all the Lloyd bashers who visit this site, it should be noted with what class Carr handled the situation. Lloyd has known Jim all Herrmann's adult life. Carr coached him as a player and he has worked with him since Herrmann graduated. They were very good friends. But the time had come to let him go. Carr made the tough decision even if personally it must have killed him to have to do so.

"So what?" you shout.

"About time!" you scream.

Yeah, well, those are easy words to say and type in cold anonymity of cyberspace. But they are much harder to live if you're the one pulling the trigger. And Carr handled the unenviable task with as much dignity as possible, putting the best possible spin on something he knew needed to be done.

Read the link above. Carr talked about Herrmann as if he were "losing" Herrmann. As if Herrmann was leaving for some golden opportunity. But don't kid yourself. Herrmann dreamt of becoming Michigan's head coach some day. So he didn't leave because he wanted to. He was forced out. But to hear Lloyd, you'd never know it. Because say what you will about Michigan's head coach, he is a class act. There was no hatchet job like Larry Coker pulled when he dropped the hammer on his staff in Miami. And Carr deserves credit for that.

In fact, Carr should be given credit for making many needed changes this off-season to right the Michigan football ship. Lloyd has been accused of being stubborn in the past, often rightfully so. But faced with the worst season at Michigan since 1984, he took steps to correct the problem. And thus he deserves some credit.

Not that he'll get it. Not from the railbirds and Monday morning quarterbacks who litter cyberspace. No, they'll continue to spend money buying up all the "FireLoyd" dot-whatever's-left websites to continue blasting away at the man no matter what.

Then again, it's easy to criticize. It's harder to lead and make tough decisions. And Lloyd has made many so far this winter. Hopefully, it will pay off in the fall. If not, it's going to harder to hide from the criticism. Because by making the tough decisions, by letting Herrmann go and jetisoning the folks who were targets of some of the blame for Michigan's recent woes, the bullseye on Carr's back just got that much bigger.

More on Herrmann's Departure

EDSBS and M Go Blog have good stuff on Herrmann's departure.

NCAA to Change Replay Rule

In a move certain to bring a smile to Lloyd's face (yes, he does smile, folks), the NCAA will allow coaches at least one replay challenge per game starting this fall.

In the new format, coaches will call a timeout to make a challenge. If the call is overturned, the team gets its timeout back and retains its challenge until it loses one. If the call is upheld, the team loses its timeout and the coach can't challenge again.

Hell, yes! The week is over...

Friday here in the M Zone, scroll down to find:

* What the hell is going on at ASU?
* Battle of the Drunk QBs:The Re-Vote. Read why
* Should he stay or should he go? English staying
* U-M announces new voice of Big House
* Hooters waitress gets new gig

And be sure to check back next week to see our next BCS match-up, the one you've all been waiting for: The Hot OSU video chick vs. the Hooters Girl

What the hell is going on at ASU?

First one of their cheerleaders goes XXX, now some ASU student is arrested AT THE LIBRARY for spanking it to Internet porn on his laptap. When the cops arrested him and asked him why he decided the ol' library was the place to view porn and whack off, the kid said, "To be honest, the Internet connection at my dorm isn't good enough."

We here at the M Zone think he's lying. If you are friends with anybody who goes or has gone to ASU, you know studying isn't high on their agenda. Thus, the kid was probably thinking, "Hell, at least it will be empty."

Then again, maybe everybody from his dorm was at the library studying Courtney Simpson.

Battle of the Drunk QBs: Re-Vote

We here at the M Zone come to you, our loyal readers, with egg on our collective faces today (and not just the usual food stuff because Wangs is a slob). We feel like we misled you. Duped you. Basically, we feel like Oprah after she found out that "memoir" writer was full of crap.

Of course we're talking about our Battle of the Drunk QBs from the other day. In it, Matt Leinart squared off against Ben Roethlisberger. But as readers pointed out, voting on the biggest lush QB without including Kyle Orton and Eli Manning was about as valid as results from a Florida presidential election.

And unlike unimportant shit like choosing the President of the United States, we here at the M Zone actually want to make sure we get the vote results right. So that you, the people (aka procrastinators sucking up airspace on company time while you rot away the day on the Internet), have your voices heard.

Thus, we proudly present the new, improved...

M Zone Battle of the Drunk QBs!

Your first candidate, courtesy of Deadspin.com is Ben "Yo' Adrienne!" Roethlisberger.

Next, say hello to Matt "Ballroom Dancer" Leinart.

Our third entrant is Eli "Check this out, bro!" Manning (along with the chick from Blue Crush and Win a Date with Tad Hamilton)

Last but not least (ok, least), here's Kyle "You get to score chicks when you're drunk?" Orton.

So, who's it going to be? As before, the categories are the same:

1) Who's the most wasted?

2) Who's with the hotter girl(s)? (Sorry, Kyle)

Vote via the comment section or VOTE HERE. And remember, at the M Zone, every vote counts.

English to Remain at Michigan

Various sources are reporting that Ron English has backed out of his deal to become the secondary coach of the Chicago Bears to remain at Michigan, where he is expected to be named the team's defensive coordinator.

Here's the link to the story on Scout.com (it's only an intro.; premium content is needed for the entire article.) Here's another link from the Chicago Bears website.

Baaaaaand Take the Field!

Carl Grapetine, the longtime Michigan Marching Band PA announcer, has been hired as the public address announcer at Michigan Stadium. He will replace Howard King, the voice of the "Big House," who retired last season after 34 years behind the mic.

From Hooters to the Tennessee Raptors

Kimberly Sams, the former ETSU cheerleader who was kicked off the squad for working at Hooters, has been given a chance to continue cheering by the Tennessee Raptors of something called the Alliance Football League.

See, if you don't give up on your dreams, sometimes your dreams don't give up on you.

Better yet, maybe she'll be able to buy a pair of jeans without holes in them.

In an ironic twist to this story, Hooters is deciding whether or not to allow Sams to continue working for them saying, "She's cheering for who? The Tennessee Raptors? What the hell sport is that? Christ, even we have standards."

It's Good to be the Coach at Notre Dame

Blog Co-ed Showdown: And the winner is...

In a result about as predictable as the Wolverines throwing a six yard out pattern on 3rd and 10, ASU cheerleader-turned-porn-star Courtney Simpson (nee Cox) trounced "Stacy," the confused USC Song Girl, in the first early round M Zone BCS: Blog Co-ed Showdown.

After winning close to 90% of the vote, Simpson was said to have exclaimed, "yes...Yes...YES!" before squealing in fake delight and saying, "Mmm, Yost, you're so big." (Hey, he who writes the blog entry, gets to live the fantasy, folks)

When told of her lopsided defeat, predictably, Stacy cheered for Courtney.

Stay tuned for another early season match-up that should be about as competitive as K-State's non-conference schedule when the hot Ohio State video chick takes on the ETSU cheerleader/Hooters waitress.


If the favorite comes through as expected, the M Zone could be heading for a BCS clash of the titans to rival USC vs. Texas in that "other" BCS.